all this is

ive woken up too late in life … lessons have been learnt and journeys attempted and i have not had an empty time… perhaps just one full of the wrong things. or things i wasnt ready for. my contemporaries have ticked their boxes in a more traditional order and i am left with a different map… one i have re written so many times i find it hard to see where i began. where i went wrong. what should be ahead, how best to get there. i love my children and they have shaped my life and i am glad. but now they are growing up and the future is … shapeless. which would be fine, if i was ready to rest. but i am more restless than ever and more sure that i am strong, capable, bright. and this counts for nothing if it is not shared, discovered, used for good. i want to use these things for good. but i dont know how to start.